


Remission of Sins

by Teeelsie



Series: 30 Day McDanno Explicit 'Verse [3]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Parenthood, Trying to come to terms...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-01 08:14:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4012339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teeelsie/pseuds/Teeelsie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny struggles with Rachel's revelation and gets to know his son.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wednesday, 7:00pm - Thursday, 3:00pm

**Author's Note:**

> I actually really love the Rachel/Charlie/Danny plot twist... It's such a complex situation and I'm looking forward to seeing how things play out next season. Meanwhile, I really felt a need to explore it some more here. 
> 
> This fic is set in the 30 Day McDanno Explicit 'Verse... not because this fic is particularly explicit (though there may be a little coming up later), but because if you read that fic (which I posted earlier this year), you may remember the scene in the epilogue at the airport where Steve was holding Charlie... as soon as we learned what Rachel's secret was and I decided to write a fic, I knew it had to be set in that 'Verse because of that scene. That's just the iteration of the boys that fit for me - it's not necessary to have read the 30 Day fic to understand this one. There are a couple small references back to it in here, but nothing that you couldn't get the gist of things without reading the other. 
> 
> Thank you, KippyVee, for your fabulous beta skills!

 

 

 

Steve pulls into the driveway, surprised to see the Camaro parked there; he hadn’t really expected to see Danny tonight. When his partner had left work he was headed to Rachel’s house; Stan was gone for a couple of days and Danny was going over to spend an hour or two with his son – and Grace, of course. Danny and Steve spent most nights together these days – usually at Steve’s - but when Danny was leaving, he had poked his head in Steve’s office and told him that he’d probably stay at his own place that night. Steve was disappointed, but understood that maybe Danny needed a little breathing room right now – time to think about and process everything that was happening. Danny was wrung emotionally dry, and lately - after the distractions of the work day were gone - he had been quiet and on edge as he grappled with the rollercoaster of his conflicting emotions.    

 

So Steve’s not sure what to expect when he walks into his house and sees Danny sitting forward on the couch, elbows on knees, chin resting on his fists, staring at a stack of photo albums. “Hey. What’re those?” he asks lightly, sensing the tension vibrating off of his partner.

 

“Rachel loaned them to me… they’re Charlie’s baby albums,” Danny replies, looking over at Steve, his bottom lip jutting out.

 

Steve lets out an audible breath. “Oh. That’s…” but he’s not sure what that is, so he doesn’t know how to finish the sentence. He does find that he is somehow relieved that Danny has come here – sought Steve out – to help him through something that will undoubtedly be difficult.

 

“I know,” Danny says, glaring back at the albums. “Part of me wants to devour them, commit every image to memory, but part of me never wants to look, because I feel like if I do it will rip my heart out of my chest.”

 

Steve walks over and sits down, his body pressing along Danny’s side in a silent offer of support. Ever since Rachel told Danny that Charlie is his son, he has watched Danny cycle through so many emotions: anger; happiness; worry; fear; frustration; sadness; grief; and, joy - all pushing at Danny’s psyche as he struggles to deal with the new information and its far-reaching implications. Right now, he seems to be taut with both dread and anticipation as he stares at the books.  

 

Danny looks at Steve and gives him a strained smile, and then takes a deep breath and finally summons the fortitude to open the first album, his hand hesitating for a second before he flips it open. When he does, he stiffens visibly and then quickly slams the book shut before Steve can even really see what the images are. Danny stands abruptly and walks out of the room, and a few seconds later, Steve hears the back door open and close.

 

Steve lets out a troubled breath and then reaches forward to open the first photo album. When he does, he is immediately confronted by three pictures (photos that he _knows_ Danny took and must have emailed to Rachel and Stan): one of Rachel holding Charlie immediately after his delivery; one taken later in her room with Grace sitting next to Rachel, proudly holding her baby brother; and, the photo of Charlie in the nursery that Danny said he took to send to Stan – because no father should miss out on that. Steve scrubs his hand over his face and ponders the last photo.

 

In the days after Rachel broke the news, Steve had noticed Danny distractedly looking at his phone for long minutes, changing expressions flickering across his face. A few days ago, Steve walked into Danny’s office to ask his partner if he was ready to leave, but Danny was completely lost in his thoughts and oblivious to Steve’s presence. When he glanced at the phone in Danny’s hand, Steve was stunned to see that Danny was looking at the picture he had taken of Charlie that day Steve had met him at the hospital, when Charlie was just hours old. He couldn’t believe that Danny had kept that image after he had forwarded it on to Stan. Steve hadn’t asked Danny, but his initial thought was that maybe Danny had always had an inkling… had thought that maybe Charlie was his.

 

But as the days have passed, Danny’s anger has continued to ignite, and Steve has come to understand that Danny never had any idea – that he never believed Rachel capable of such deception. That made it all the more heartbreaking for Steve to realize that Danny had probably kept the picture out of deep-seated nostalgia… the lost wish that Charlie was his own. Steve’s heart had clenched as he wondered how many times Danny had taken out his phone and looked at the picture over the last three years, wistful and sad, but accepting Rachel’s word that the boy was Stan’s and not his. Had he done it often, in secret (Steve had never seen him do it before this week), or hardly ever? He wondered what Danny has been thinking over the last week, as he looked at the image now – is it joy or rage? Steve isn’t sure… probably both.

 

After a few minutes of staring at the photo and mulling over these thoughts, Steve finally gets up and follows his partner outside. He knows Danny came here tonight with the photos because he was seeking Steve’s support, even if he wouldn’t outright ask for it. He’s glad he can be the person Danny wants and needs in trying times, so he walks through the backyard down to where he finds Danny standing surprisingly close to the water.

 

“You okay?” Steve asks as he approaches.

 

“No, I am not okay. There’s not really anything about this situation that is okay,” Danny says with some bitterness.

 

“I’m sorry, Danny,” Steve says gently placing his hand on his partner’s shoulder.

 

“God! Three years! There’s so much I missed!” Danny almost yells, his anger boiling over again.

 

“Danny, don’t do this to yourself.”

 

“How can I not? Huh? Steve? Do you have any idea how much happens in those first three years?!” Danny’s voice is clipped and angry. “Like his first smile. You may not know this, but sometimes it looks like an infant is smiling, but he’s not… it’s just a reflex or gas or something – I don’t know. It takes 3 or 4 months before they give you an _actual_ , purposeful smile, and, _Jesus_ , when they _do_ …” Danny’s voice softens considerably, and he turns to look at Steve for the first time. “When they look at you and you can see in their _eyes_ that _this time_ , they mean it… they’re really smiling _at_ you – there’s nothing like that in the world, you know?”

 

“Or… or the first time they reach for you,” Danny continues as Steve stands close. “Babies cry all the time when they’re so little – when they’re wet or hungry, which seems like all the time, quite honestly – and when they do you always rush to them… it’s like instinct, you know? But that first time you show up and they see you and they reach their little arms out to you because they know - they _know_ – that you are going to help them, to comfort them or make them feel better. It’s like something just explodes in your chest,” Danny’s eyes are filled with anguish. “God… when Grace did that the first time – it hit me like a ton of bricks, you know?” his voice chokes to a whisper. “The _responsibility_ of it all! But I wouldn’t have traded that for a single thing in the world and all I could think about was how I was going to make sure that for the rest of her life, I would be someone she could reach out to when she was scared or hurt or needed someone…”

 

“You are that person, Danny,” Steve says softly.

 

“Yeah, but not for Charlie,” Danny’s voice is still barely more than a whisper and pain is etched on his face.

 

“You will be,” Steve says with conviction.

 

But Danny just shakes his head and turns back to the water. “Or when they take their first step,” he bends over and puts his hands on his knees, dropping his head between his shoulders and closing his eyes tightly. After a moment, he stands back up and turns to Steve again, his eyes bright with unshed tears. “They’re so proud, you know? You can… you can see it in their eyes. And they smile at you like ‘look at me daddy – look what I can do!’ And I _missed_ that, Steve! I missed _all of that_ and there’s no making up for it. Those things - and so many others – only happen _one time_ in their little lives and it’s not _fair!_ God it’s like a _death_ or something – thinking about what I’ve _lost!_    And it’s so unbelievable that Rachel _did_ this! I have never been so _angry_ in my entire life, and at the same time, I am so happy that I have a _son_ … and then I think… I think… but he could be _dead_ in six months!” Danny’s mouth clamps tightly shut at those last words and he doubles over, hands on his knees again, breathing fast and loud.

 

When he hears the despair in Danny’s voice and sees him starting to lose control, Steve immediately reaches out and grabs his partner, pulling him bodily into a fierce hug. Danny tries to push away for a second but Steve just holds him tighter and soon enough, Danny shudders against him and seems to break right there in his arms. It feels to Steve like his own heart is shattering into a million pieces just at the thought of all of this so he can’t really even imagine what it must be like for Danny, who is living it. His own throat is tight with emotion and all he can find to say is, “I’m so sorry, Danno.”

 

Danny finally relents and wraps his arms around Steve and seems to hold on for dear life, and then chokes out a single sob. After, Danny cries silently into his shoulder, but his body shakes as emotion wracks through him. And as Steve grips him tight, not letting go for anything, he feels a few tears of his own slide down his face.

 

Several minutes later, Danny finally regains his composure and pushes away from Steve. “Uh, thanks,” he mutters, sniffing and looking away, too embarrassed to meet Steve’s eyes. “Sorry ‘bout your shirt,” he adds, gesturing vaguely toward the large wet spot on Steve’s shoulder.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Steve huffs in response, reaching up to wipe the moisture from his own face with his palm. Danny laughs a little when he sees his partner’s tears and apologizes again, knowing how uncomfortable Steve is with strong emotion. But Steve just waves him off and pulls Danny in for another quick hug.

 

“Hey, uh, I know it’s hard,” Steve murmurs into the side of Danny’s head. “But, I think you need to look at those pictures.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Danny says with heavy reluctance in his voice as he disengages from Steve. But instead of moving toward the house, he shoves his hands in his pockets and turns and stares at the ocean again. Steve just waits, knowing that Danny has to do this on his own terms, in his own time. After a few more minutes, Danny drops his head down and Steve hears him release a deep sigh, and then he seems to brace himself. He lifts his head, takes his hands out of his pockets and turns back to Steve. “Okay. I’m ready… let’s do this,” he says, walking past Steve with a look of resigned determination.

 

They make their way back to the living room - having taken a brief side trip to the kitchen for a couple of beers - and then sit on the couch, facing the photo albums again. Danny takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly and then reaches for the first album. “Here we go,” he gives Steve a weak smile and flips it open to the first page.

 

 

5050505050

 

 

“You’re nervous,” Steve says as Danny fidgets with his coffee at the kitchen counter.

 

“No, I…” Danny stops and sighs. “I don’t know. Maybe a little.”

 

The night before, they had stayed up well past midnight, looking at the photo albums that Rachel had loaned Danny. They had both wept a little, but as difficult and painful as some of it was, it was also joyful, and they had smiled and laughed even more. Watching Danny flip through those photos and get to know Charlie had made Steve’s heart flutter - Danny had _a son_. And not just _any_ son – _this_ boy… _Charlie._ Steve remembered all too well the look in Danny’s eyes that day that he had secreted Steve away from Max’s house. Danny’s bleak look of resignation had weighed heavily on Steve, who felt guilty for delaying his partner’s departure for New Jersey – which was possibly one reason Rachel had changed her mind, given up on Danny, and decided to go back to Stan.

 

And then, the day Charlie was born when Steve met Danny at the hospital, he saw the cruel disappointment was back; maybe not as deep now – tempered by time - but there, nonetheless. As Steve watched his partner watch the baby behind the glass, he understood for the first time just how much Danny must have always wanted more children. Danny was a great dad to Grace and he relished being a father, so of course he would have wanted more kids. Steve had looked at Danny that day and seen in his eyes how badly he wished that the tiny boy was really his own… a child he could pick up and hold in his arms and love and protect. But he was not – he was Stan’s – and so instead Danny pushed his own ruined dreams aside and snapped a photo to send the father. At first, Steve had been amazed at Danny’s solicitousness, but as he thought about it more, he realized that he shouldn’t be surprised. It was who Danny was at his core – a man who loved his own child so deeply that he would never want to deprive another father of the same joy he knew.

 

Last night, Danny may have caught up on three years of Charlie’s life through pictures, but today he is going to really get to know Charlie, because for the first time, his son is coming to spend the entire day with them. Steve has been watching Danny twitch and sigh since they woke up this morning; he has never seen Danny so jumpy.

 

“You shouldn’t be nervous, Danny. You’re a great dad to Grace and you’ll be a great dad to Charlie as well,” Steve tries to reassure him.

 

“Thanks, babe,” Danny gives him a nervous smile. “But what if… what if he doesn’t like me? Doesn’t want to be here with us?”

 

Steve rolls his eyes. Danny’s always been a bit of an insecure, neurotic mess, and God help him, but Steve loves him for it. So he can’t stop himself from smiling, his affection for Danny obvious.

 

“What?” Danny asks, seeing Steve’s eye roll and sounding defensive.

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Danny, you’re a natural. You’re gonna be fine. That kid already likes you and soon enough he’s going to understand what it means that you’re his dad and he’s going to love you as much as Gracie does.”

 

“What about you?” Danny asks, looking a little uncomfortable.

 

“What about me?” Steve’s not sure what Danny means.

 

“Are you ready for this?”

 

“For what? A day hanging out with a couple of kids on the beach? I can’t wait!”

 

“No… not…” Danny stops, looking down at his coffee and fiddling with the cup, his discomfort palpable.

 

“What, Danny?”

 

“Look, Steve, I know we haven’t had a chance to really talk about this with all the crap that’s gone down in the last several days, but…” he darts a glance at his partner. “If Charlie gets better…”

 

“Not _if,_ Danny, _when_. He’s tough like his dad, he’s going to beat this thing,” Steve says with conviction.

 

Danny nods a little but he can’t speak right away because his stomach is in his throat and his eyes are welling. He blinks his eyes and fiddles with his cup some more and then eventually clears his throat and continues. “When Charlie gets better, I’m going after shared custody – just like with Grace.” He lifts his chin and gives Steve a penetrating look.

 

“Yeah…?” Steve wonders what, exactly, Danny’s point is.

 

“Is that… are you okay with that?” Danny asks, shifting his gaze away, his body language reeking of uncertainty.

 

Steve’s eyes go wide with confusion. “Yeah, of course I’m okay with that. Why the hell wouldn’t I be?”

 

Danny shrugs. “I don’t know, you know,” his eyes flicker over to Steve and then down to his coffee again. “Grace is one thing – she’s one kid – but she’s practically a teenager, and you… I mean, you saw her some when she was younger, but you didn’t even meet her until she was 8. But since we’ve been… together, she’s older… easier. I’m not sure you understand what it’s like to have a toddler around,” he finishes, finally raising his half-worried, half-hopeful gaze fully back up to Steve.

 

“I’ve had Joanie around…”

 

“With all due respect, Steven. A few days’ visit once or twice a year is not at all the same thing. If I have my way, this will be a permanent thing and I’ll have Charlie as much as I have Grace…”

 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less, Danny,” Steve says softly. “Of course you’ll go for custody. You wouldn’t be the man I know if you didn’t.”

 

Danny still looks uncertain.

 

“Look, Danny. I love Grace, you know that, right?”

 

“Yeah, I do know that,” a small smile manages to penetrate Danny’s insecurity.

 

“And I’m going to love Charlie, too – I practically do already and I’ve only just barely seen him that one time at the airport. I mean, how could I not love that kid? I can see in those pictures how he swaggers around with his little chest puffed out and a smirk on his face... he’s like a little mini-Danno,” Steve grins, fondly remembering the pictures in the albums.

 

Danny stares at Steve, unable to find the words to respond. How is this the same man who could barely acknowledge his feelings for Danny a few short months ago? And now here he is talking about how he loves a kid he barely knows just because he carries the same genetic material as Danny. Before he can say anything though, he hears a car and his eyes dart toward the front of the house. “Well, we’ll know soon enough… they’re here,” Danny says, his nervousness ratcheting up again.

 

Danny and Steve both go outside to meet Rachel and the kids at the car. Grace hops out and hugs Danny and Steve both, and then reaches in the car to unbuckle Charlie from his car seat. The boy climbs down and puts his fist out for Danny to bump. “Danno!” he says with a little grin on his face, causing everyone else to grin as well.

 

Danny crouches down next to Charlie. “Hey, buddy! It’s great to see you! I’m really glad you could come over today!” Charlie just beams some more. “So, Charlie, do you like to swim?” The boy nods his head vigorously. “That’s great, because Steve here has a whole ocean in his backyard… you wanna see?” Charlie nods happily again.

 

“Come on Charlie, I’ll show you,” Grace says and grabs his hand to lead him through the house.  

 

Danny looks tentatively at Steve and Rachel, but Steve preempts his question. “Go ahead… I’ll get their stuff and meet you out back.”

 

“Thanks,” Danny says, still finding it difficult to engage Rachel, knowing his anger might get the better of him if he does.

 

“I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me,” Rachel says eventually, watching them move through the house and sounding very sad. “Not that I blame him,” she finishes, looking at Steve, perhaps hoping he’ll contradict her.

 

“I honestly don’t know what to tell you, Rachel.” Steve answers - because it’s the truth - and they fall into an uneasy silence.

 

Rachel looks away, her eyes glistening, and after an awkward minute, Steve clears his throat. “So, is there anything we should know? Any restrictions on activity or what he eats?”

 

“Not, not really. Just… he can tire easily, but he doesn’t always want to stop, so you might need to make him slow down and he’ll need at least one nap – perhaps two. But, I’ve gone over all of this with Danny. He’ll be able to spot if he’s wearing down. He’ll know what to do.”

 

“Of course,” Steve responds. “Okay, well, we’ll get them back after dinner.”

 

“All right,” Rachel says, pulling the bag of toddler supplies out of the car and handing it to Steve. Before she turns to get back into her car she pauses and looks back at Steve. “I really am sorry, you know? I never wanted to hurt him.”

 

Something flares inside Steve and he can’t stop himself from replying. “You know, you warned me against hurting Danny a few months back. It occurs to me now that you had a lot of gall to do that.”

 

“You’re right,” Rachel answers, her face flushing. “I know… I deserve every bit of anger and hate he – both of you – feel toward me. I know that what I did was wrong and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I _am_ truly sorry. At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do.”

 

“The _right thing_ _to do?_ How could keeping a man’s son from him ever be the right thing to do?” though he wants to yell, Steve tries to keep his voice down, not wanting Danny and the kids to hear him.

 

“Yes, well, Commander… there’s nothing you can say to me that Danny and Stan haven’t already said - or that I haven’t said to myself. So I think I’ll pass on another verbal flogging and just go,” she says with a weary sigh as she turns to leave.

 

“Rachel…” Steve stops her, mentally kicking himself as he steps closer to her car. He knows that the last thing this whole situation needs is him adding fuel to the fire by getting into a pissing match with Danny’s ex. Rachel had opened the car door to get in but she pauses, turning reluctantly to face Steve again. “Listen, I’m sorry,” Steve continues. “I shouldn’t have said that. I know this is hard… for everyone. And I know that it’s in Charlie and Grace’s best interest that we don’t make things worse by squabbling over what happened in the past. I get that, and so does Danny. We both just want Charlie to get better and for both kids to be okay through the whole thing.”

 

“Thank you, Commander,” Rachel says with a small smile.

 

“Yeah, and… how about you just call me Steve? I kind of have a feeling that we’re going to be seeing more of each other, and… Commander sounds a little too… formal.”

 

“Very well, Steve,” she smiles in gratitude for the olive branch that Steve has just offered and gets into her car.

 

As Rachel drives away, Steve blows out a breath and runs his hand through his hair. Well, that could have gone worse, he thinks… of course it could have gone better, too.  

 

 

5050505050

 

Danny stands on the beach watching Grace, who is paddling her surfboard in the calm, shallow waters off of Steve’s yard. Grudgingly admitting to himself that she’s probably very safe and that she is unlikely to fall off and drown, he turns and looks back at Steve where he is sitting in his chair on the grass, holding a sleeping Charlie in his arms.

 

Danny smiles to himself because it really has been a great day. Earlier, as they were swimming in the shallow surf, Grace had jumped onto his back, wrapping her arms around his neck and whispered into his ear that she was glad that he was Charlie’s dad, too. Danny had stopped moving and his heart had stuttered because with all the other things competing for his attention these days, he hadn’t really considered much how this was affecting Grace. Grace froze as well and nervously asked if he was okay, afraid she had said the wrong thing, so he had flipped her off of his back (causing her to squeal) and pulled her into a fierce hug, telling her that he was also so, so glad to be Charlie’s dad.  

 

And Charlie has been amazing; laughing and playing in the sand and the surf all morning – it was hard to believe he could be sick. Danny is entranced by Charlie – this boy who is so obviously his son that he can’t believe the truth of the matter hadn’t ever occurred to him before. Danny would never admit it out loud, but Steve was right: he has Danny’s swagger and Danny’s grin; and when he talks, he moves his hands around like a whirlwind – who knew that could be genetic? While they ate lunch, as the animated little boy had eaten his peanut butter and jelly sandwich and chattered away, Danny found he couldn’t stop grinning. At one point, when he had looked over at Steve, Danny saw his partner watching them with a gleam in his eye.

 

“What?” he had asked.

 

Steve had just smiled and shook his head a little, saying, “Like I said… a natural.”

 

When they had come back outside after lunch all of them had splashed around in the water for a while, but then about an hour ago, Charlie seemed to hit a wall. He got cranky and whiney so Danny picked him up and carried him over to the hammock. He had held his son, and spoken quietly to him, and they rocked together until Charlie fell asleep. In that moment when the boy went limp in his arms, Danny found himself once again on the threshold of falling victim to his emotions as the sense-memory of holding Grace just like this slammed into him. It made him nostalgic and sad and happy and angry all at once, and he found himself wiping tears from his eyes yet again. Jesus, he really needed to get himself under control, but it was hard when the complete and utter trust that Charlie had already given over to him was filling his heart, but also causing his fury at Rachel to overflow, thinking about how he had been denied this for so long.

 

He could feel the tension in his body mounting as his emotions warred with each other, and then, suddenly, Steve was there, standing by the hammock and reaching for Charlie.

 

“Here, let me take him for a little while. I think maybe Grace could use some time with her dad.”

 

Danny didn’t resist, silently appreciating the sixth sense Steve has apparently developed toward him through all of this; lately he seems to intuit when Danny needs his comfort, or when he needs time and space to work through things on his own instead. And of course Steve was right again. At that moment, he needed to breathe for a minute - to try to separate out his emotions - and Danny could always count on being with Grace to ground him and calm him down. “Thanks,” he had said, and handed the sleeping child over to Steve. He walked down to the beach, then, grabbing a towel and spreading it out next to where Grace was lying in the sun.

 

“Hey, Monkey. Mind if I join you?”

 

“Of course not, Danno,” Grace said, smiling and sitting up to wrap her arms around her bent knees.

 

“Are you having a good time?”

 

“I always do when I’m here,” she smiled.

 

“I noticed you’ve been kind of quiet today. You okay?”

 

She shrugged and Danny leaned over and nudged her shoulder. “I’m worried about Charlie,” she confessed after a moment.

 

“We all are, sweetie,” Danny said gently and Grace nodded.

 

“I’m worried about Mom and Stan, too,” she added after moment, looking hesitantly at Danny.

 

“Are you?” Danny responded.

 

Tears welled in her eyes. “They’ve been fighting a lot.”

 

He badly does not want to get in the middle of Rachel and Stan’s marital problems, except he understood that the conversation wasn’t about Rachel and Stan – it was about Grace - so Danny put his arm around her and bent down to kiss the top of her head. “You know, Grace, it’s not so unusual for grown-ups to fight sometimes – especially when things are stressful… and now is a pretty stressful time for everyone,” he tried to reassure her, without offering platitudes that might not be true.

 

“I know,” Grace answered, poking at the sand in front of her, sounding resigned but sad.

 

“Listen, Grace. You’re a big kid, and I know that you and your mom have talked about what’s going on…”

 

“Yeah. We talked about it. Everyone is so unhappy now… even you,” she said, turning back to him.

 

“No… Grace… I’m not unhappy. I am thrilled that Charlie is my son.”

 

“Then why do you seem so sad?”

 

Danny sighed and looked out at the ocean, feeling deeply guilty that he has apparently been telegraphing his emotions so obviously for his daughter to see. “Well, I guess because… I already love Charlie, so I’ve been thinking about everything I missed and how I didn’t get to see him grow up these last three years, and that makes me pretty sad.” Danny looked at Grace but she had turned away, looking out at the water.

 

“You’re mad at Mom for not telling you,” Grace said after a minute.

 

Danny looked at his daughter, debating how to answer that. In the end he decided the truth is always better than another lie. “Yeah, I guess I kind of am, Monkey. I love being your dad and I wish I could have been Charlie’s dad, too, you know?”

 

“You’ll never forgive her, will you?” Grace asked, looking up at him with big, sad eyes.

 

“I…” Danny stared at his daughter for a moment, thinking about his anger toward Rachel and how he’s been pretty sure he’ll never be able to get past it. But looking at his daughter right then, he knew he didn’t want to hold onto that anger. Danny sighed. “I’m trying, Grace. And, I’ll try harder, okay?”

 

Grace studied his face for a moment. “Okay, Danno,” she eventually answered, not sounding entirely convinced.

 

It broke Danny’s heart a little to see the doubt on her face and he made himself promise that he _will_ try harder with Rachel. They sat together in silence for a minute before Grace spoke up again. “Danno? What I said earlier… about being glad you’re Charlie’s dad?” she asked hesitantly.

 

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

 

“I meant it, but…”

 

“But what, Monkey?” Danny’s heart raced a little, not sure what she was getting at and afraid of what she might say.

 

“But… I feel bad for Stan. He’s… he’s really sad.”

 

Danny pulled her into a hug, trying once more to contain his anger – this time at the fact that his 12-year-old daughter had been put in a position where she found herself feeling bad for the adults in her life – it was just wrong. “I know, Monkey. I feel sad for Stan, too,” Danny answered, surprised to realize that that was actually the truth.

 

“You do?”

 

“Course I do. I know how much he loves Charlie and this has to be really hard for him.”

 

“Yeah… I can’t believe Mom would do this… I’m… I’m mad at her, too,” she said reluctantly, looking sideways at Danny.

 

Danny sighed. “Grace, listen to me,” he said softly. “Everybody makes mistakes in their lives, and some mistakes are bigger than others. Your mom made a pretty big mistake. But, here’s the thing. It’s the past and no matter what happened in the past, we’re all going to work it out and things will be okay. Your mom loves you and Charlie more than anything else in the world and you should never doubt that and never forget it. And right now, she feels pretty bad and I think she could probably use a little extra love from you. I know it can be hard, but do you think you can do that?” Danny was again amazed at how much he actually meant that.

 

“I’ll try, Danno,” she answered softly.

 

“Of course you will. And I know you can do it. You know how I know that? Because you are the most awesome 12-year-old on the face of the earth!” Danny squeezed Grace tightly and kissed her head several times, each one an exaggerated smack of his lips.

 

Grace giggled - squirming in his arms – the heavy mood suddenly broken like magic.

 

Danny released her with one more audible kiss and she stood up. “I think I’m going to go out on my surfboard for a while. Is that okay?”

 

“Of course it is, Monkey. Just don’t go too far from shore.”

 

“I won’t,” she said, rolling her eyes at his protectiveness as she reached down to grab her board.

 

“Hey, Grace?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“I love you, you know that, right?” Danny said, squinting up at her.

 

Grace’s face lit up as she dropped the board and walked back over to Danny to give him a hug. “Of course I do, Danno. I love you, too. And I _am_ really glad you’re not just my dad, but Charlie’s dad, too,” she had said quietly over his shoulder.

 

Danny closed his eyes against more threatening tears and squeezed her tighter. “Me too, sweetie,” he whispered back.    

 

\---------

 

Maybe Steve is right, Danny thinks as he looks again at the peaceful picture that Steve and Charlie present on the chair in the grass. Maybe they can all slip into this new thing and they’ll be just fine. If he can just let go of his anger; if Charlie will just be okay; if Stan doesn't fight his push for custody... Danny sighs and tries to let go of a little bit of the tension that he's been carrying around, and then with one more glance behind to reassuring himself that Grace is not about to be eaten by sharks, he walks up and takes the chair next to Steve. Charlie is still dozing on Steve's shoulder, his hair damp with the sweat of a hard sleep.

 

"How's Gracie doing?" Steve asks quietly, trying not to wake Charlie.

 

"I don't know.  She's upset.  Worried about everyone... Charlie, me, Rachel... Stan.  She's mad at Rachel.  Knows I am, too.  I'm not sure how much of that is her own anger or how much is her reading it from me," Danny rests his head back and closes his eye. "Christ... This whole situation is such a clusterfuck..."

 

"She's a smart kid, Danny... resilient. She'll work it out."

 

"God.  We've put her through so much," Danny answers, his voice heavy with guilt.

 

"Look at her, Danny," Steve says as they both stare out at the water.  "She's strong.  She's been through a lot and always bounced back.  She'll get through this, too.  She'll be fine because you and Rachel will make sure she is."

 

Steve looks at Danny, who just grunts and they sit quietly a while longer, watching Grace paddle around.  A moment later, Charlie stirs a tiny bit and Steve unconsciously brings his hand up to the boy's head, stroking and soothing him back to sleep.

 

“He feel hot, Danny. He sweating,” Steve sounds worried, but he continues to keep his voice low so he doesn’t wake Charlie. “Does he have a fever?”

 

Danny reaches over and touches Charlie’s forehead, pushing his wet hair back. “I don’t think so,” Danny says, equally quietly. “Little kids get hot and sweaty when they sleep hard. Especially around their forehead and neck.”

 

“Are you sure that’s all it is?”

 

“Pretty sure. If he’s still warm after he wakes up, we can take his temperature. I wouldn’t worry about it too much, though,” Danny reassures him.

 

Steve relaxes a little and when he looks at Danny, his partner is smiling fondly. “What?” he asks, his own smile playing at his lips.

 

“I said it once before, babe… that’s a good look on you,” Danny answers with a twinkle in his eye. He means it – Steve is a natural with kids himself – having great instincts for what they want or need.

 

Steve feels himself blush inexplicably and he ducks his head down behind Charlie’s so Danny can’t see the shy smile spreading across his face.

 

Danny watches them for a few more seconds and then turns his attention back out toward where Grace is paddling in the ocean, checking and rechecking that she is okay. He is startled out of his thoughts by Steve’s voice a minute later.

 

“You should move in here with me,” Steve says, out of the blue.

 

“What?” Danny says, his head snapping sideways. “Are you kidding?”

 

“No, I’m not kidding. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while – since before all this happened - I was waiting for the right time to bring it up.”

 

“Oh, and you think _this_ is the right time?” Danny responds, still startled and suddenly a little on edge. He’s had enough surprises for a while and Steve’s declaration sounded a little too much like a demand.

 

“No – but I think I realized that there _is_ no right time.”

 

“Steve. I don’t think that’s such a good idea. The next several months are going to stressful and unpredictable. That’s a lot of upheaval for the kids…”

 

“No, Danny… it’s just the opposite, don’t you see? Things have got to be pretty strange for this little guy right now, right? I mean, he’s sick and has to go to the doctor a lot, and in a few more days he’ll be going into the hospital. And now all of a sudden, he’s got another father in his life…” Danny looks at Steve sharply. “…and you love him, and it’s a _good_ thing for him – don’t get me wrong.”

 

“What’s your point, Steve?” Danny asks, touchy and impatient – he feels that way a lot lately.

 

“My point is that we spend pretty much all of our time with each other – even when you have Grace. But right now, we’re always back and forth – your house, my house. Half of Grace’s stuff is here, half of it’s there. And that’s fine for Grace – she’s old enough… she gets it. But Charlie’s so little, Danny. And his mom just told him he has another dad and here I am, too – that’s got to be a little confusing for him. Add to that the going back and forth between Rachel’s house and our two houses and he’s not going to know which way is up. Think about it, Danny. Don’t you think it would be better for there to be just one house – something more stable while everything else in this little guy’s life is so topsy-turvy?”

 

“That’s assuming I even get any custody.”

 

“You probably will. And Rachel seems to understand that she’s going to have to give on that. She let you see him yesterday… gave you the pictures to look at and let us take him for the whole day today.”

 

“Yeah, but Stan’s been gone. We don’t know if he’ll fight it.”

 

“ _You’re_ Charlie’s father, Danny, and you _want_ to be part of his life. No court is going to turn a blind eye to that. What’s going on, Danny? Are you looking for excuses not to move in with me?” Steve gives Danny a pointed look.

 

Danny reaches over to run his fingers through Charlie’s hair, a convenient way to avoid looking back at Steve. He considers Steve’s words. His partner sounded earnest and hopeful - and he has a point. Charlie is already pretty confused about who exactly Danno is and he keeps asking Rachel why he has to go to the doctor again - and he doesn’t have a clue yet about the hospital – that will no doubt be very unsettling for the 3-year-old. Steve’s right about a lot of this, but for some reason Danny can’t quite put his finger on, he feels reluctant – like moving into Steve’s house would make him look incapable of being a good parent - because how can he take care of two kids if he doesn’t even have his own house. What if Rachel - or Stan - tried to use that against him in some way?

 

“You could move into my place,” Danny says slowly… distractedly... his fingers still carding through Charlie's damp hair.

 

“Danny, come on. You know my place makes more sense,” Steve continues his sales pitch. “Your place only has two bedrooms and I have three, plus the den. And I own my place… you’re renting.” Danny flinches a little at that, not needing to be reminded that his socio-economic status is far below Rachel’s, though he knows that’s not how Steve meant it.

 

“And… I have the ocean,” Steve says, pulling his trump card – knowing how much Grace loves the water - and Charlie, as well, judging by the day they’ve just had.

 

Danny pulls his hand away from Charlie and sighs, rubbing both hands over his face. He looks out to where Grace is lying on her surf board in the calm water and thinks about how much Grace loves it here. Steve’s right - about all of it - but he can’t seem to get over himself and just say yes.

 

“Hey, Danny,” Steve says softly, and Danny turns to look at his partner. “Mostly I just really want you here. All of you,” he adds, absently rubbing his hand up and down Charlie’s back.

 

Danny’s insides seem to melt a little at that, and he has to forcibly hold in the noise that is trying to bubble up out of him because he knows that it would sound a lot like a sob. He turns back to watching Grace because he’s embarrassed to let Steve see the moisture welling in his eyes yet again, and Grace takes that exact moment to look up and smile and wave at them. Everything Steve had said made perfect sense, but it wasn’t until he said that last bit that Danny’s defenses were completely blown. He can’t seem to muster the ability to say anything though, because his throat feels too tight, so he just nods his head ‘yes’, his eyes never straying from Grace. In his peripheral vision, though, he sees Steve grin at him and kiss Charlie on the head, and then turn to wave happily back at Grace who is paddling toward shore.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Thursday, 7:00pm - Friday, 10:30am.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny continues to struggle as he watches the reactions of other people in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the RL delay in getting this chapter posted...
> 
> And, thanks, as always, to KippyVee for her swift and expert beta review.

 

 

“Where’s Grace?” Danny asks as he carries Charlie in from the bathroom. Steve is finishing cleaning up the kitchen and it’s time to get the kids back to Rachel’s.

 

“Uh, I don’t know,” Steve says, craning his neck around. “Maybe she went up to her room? Let me take Charlie,” he says, reaching for the tired child, “you can go round her up.”

 

Danny hands his son off to Steve, taking a second to marvel at how quickly Steve has taken to Charlie, and heads upstairs. He finds his daughter lying on the bed in the room she uses at Steve’s, trying hard to pretend she is reading a book. “Hey, Monkey. Time to get going,” he says lightly.

 

Grace sits up and looks at Danny, her face conflicted and sad. “Do I have to?” she asks hesitantly.

 

“What do you mean, Grace?”

 

“I just… I’d rather stay here,” she says, her eyes darting back down to the book in her hands.

 

“Grace. Sweetheart,” Danny says gently, as he moves to sit on the bed next to her. “You know this is your week at your mom’s. It was nice of her to let you guys come over here for the whole day as it is – she didn’t have to do that – but it’s time for you to head back home now.”

 

“I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to be with her,” Grace says a little defiantly, tears beginning to slip down her face.

 

Danny pulls her into a hug, kissing the top of her head.   “Grace… we talked about this, remember? Your mom needs you right now…”

 

“But I need _you_ right now, Danno!” Grace blurts, turning her face into his shoulder, suddenly crying hard against him.

 

Danny holds onto her, at a loss for words since he is a little surprised at this turn of events.

 

“Please, Danno… can’t I stay? Stan is supposed to get back tonight and I don’t want to be there for that. I promise, I’ll go back tomorrow. I just… I just want to stay here tonight and not have to listen to them fighting again.”

 

Danny sighs and holds his daughter close – internally warring with himself about the right thing to do. On the one hand, Danny knows you can’t hide from your troubles and letting Grace stay here would really only delay the inevitable. On the other hand, he hasn’t seen Grace this upset in a very long time and it makes his heart ache to think about sending her home in this condition.

 

“I’ll tell you what, Grace. I’ll call your mom and ask if you can stay the night. But if she says she wants you to come home, then you’re going to have to go, okay?”

 

Grace pulls back from Danny’s arms. “Okay, thanks, Danno,” she sniffles. “I’m sorry I got snot on your shirt,” she adds, wiping at the damp patch and then breaking into a giggle when she realizes what she has said.

 

“Eeuwww! Gross!” Danny says in mock horror, swiping at his shirt, causing Grace to giggle some more and lightening the mood in the room considerably. “Wait here, Monkey,” he says, kissing her head again. “I’ll go call your mom.”

 

“Okay, Danno,” she answers with a small smile.

 

Danny finds Steve and Charlie in the living room; Charlie is half-asleep on Steve’s lap as his partner reads to him. “What’s going on?” Steve asks, clearly concerned.

 

Danny scrubs his hand over his face. “I guess I didn’t realize how upset all of this is making Grace. She wants to stay here tonight.”

 

“That’s fine, Danny. Grace can stay here any time – you know that.”

 

“I do know – thank you. It’s not that. It’s Rachel’s week and she really is supposed to be going back there. I don’t want to start making things any worse by putting Grace in the middle of Rachel and my issues – or making it seem like I’m using Grace against her,” Danny says.

 

“You wouldn’t do that, Danny.”

 

Danny gives Steve an unimpressed look. “I know that – but she knows how mad I am and it might look that way to her, or Stan… or to a lawyer…”

 

Steve nods, letting out a long breath. “So, what are you gonna do?”

 

Danny glances toward the stairs. “I guess… I guess I need to deal with the issue in front of me at the moment and worry about the rest later. She’s upset and I don’t want to force her to go back to Rachel’s if it’s going to make her feel worse. I’ll talk to Rachel… I told Grace that if it’s okay with her mom she can stay tonight.”

 

Danny pulls out his phone and walks outside to call Rachel. Steve can hear Danny murmuring on his end of the conversation and he is surprised at how subdued it seems to be. When he walks back in a few minutes later, Danny looks upset.

 

“What’d she say?”

 

“Not much. She rolled over on it immediately. Didn’t even try to fight it,” Danny answers, looking down distractedly at his phone.

 

“That’s good, isn’t it?” Steve asks, but he feels like he hasn’t seen Danny look quite so sad since all of this started.

 

Danny looks up. “Yeah, I guess…” he replies listlessly. “I mean, it’s one less thing to worry about for now, right? I’ll go let Grace know and then take Charlie home.”

 

“You want me to take him?” Steve offers.

 

“Thanks, babe, but no. I’ll take him.” He gives Steve a tired but affectionate smile and heads upstairs to talk to Grace.

 

\-----

 

By the time Danny gets back from taking Charlie home, Grace is sound asleep – the sun and the water and tears pretty much doing her in for the day. Steve is sitting in the chair out back, so Danny grabs a couple of beers and joins him, sitting down with a long, deep sigh.

 

“Hey. How’d it go?”

 

“Fine. Everything’s fine as long as I actively don’t think about anything. This afternoon I told Grace I’d try to forgive Rachel, but…” Danny turns and Steve sees the emotion etched in his face. “…it’s really hard.”

 

“I know,” Steve says, sympathetically.

 

Danny rests his head back again. “Christ, I _never_ should have taken Rachel’s word for it… I should have demanded a paternity test when Charlie was born.”

 

“Danny… there’s no point in beating yourself up,” Steve says, wanting to stop his partner from going down this same road of self-flagellation that he had traveled after Matty’s death.

 

But then it occurs to Steve that when Danny had compared all this to dealing with a death, he may not have been too far off the mark, as Danny kind of seems to be cycling through the five stages of grief right before his eyes. After Rachel had given him the news, he had been in shock and withdrawn into himself for the first couple of days. Then came the days of anger and rage – hitting its peak on the beach last night – all looking pretty clearly like stage two. Now, here was Danny bargaining – wishing he could change the past… fix his mistake.  

 

“It’s like it won’t let go of me, you know?” Danny continues, ignoring Steve’s words. “I _want_ to get past it – for Grace and Charlie – but, when I try to think beyond my anger, I just… can’t.” The resentment is still strong and audible.

 

Okay, so maybe he’s still stuck in the anger phase. Or maybe it’s more like he’s frenetically bouncing between all of the stages at once (except the last one, unfortunately).

 

“You gotta give it time, Danny.”

 

“Yeah…” Danny says, and Steve can’t miss the anger behind the word. “Maybe another three years will do it,” he adds bitterly, then takes a long drink from his beer.

 

They sit in silence for a while, working at their beers and watching the sunset.

 

“Today was great, though,” Steve eventually says, turning to smile at Danny, trying to shift his darkening mood.

 

“It was,” Danny says, nodding, and then a small, genuine smile finally creeps across his face.

 

“Charlie’s a terrific kid.”

 

“He really is…” Danny smiles again, bigger this time.

 

“It’s gonna be fun watching him grow up,” Steve remarks absently.

 

A dark look flashes across Danny’s face before he shakes himself and nods. “Yeah, it is.”

 

Steve sees the flicker – kicks himself for the careless words - and then sets down his nearly empty beer bottle and stands up. “Whaddaya say we go up to bed?”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Danny answers receptively, drinking down the last of his beer and standing up himself. As they head toward the house, Danny’s phone rings and he answers distractedly, “Williams.”

 

“Danny, it’s Stan.” Danny stops in his tracks. Steve takes a couple more steps and turns when he realizes that Danny is no longer by his side.

 

“Stan…” Danny says with some trepidation, glancing at Steve, who raises his eyebrows in surprise.

 

“I’d like to talk to you. Can we meet?” There is a boatload of tension in his voice.

 

“Okay…”

 

“Tomorrow morning?”

 

“Um… sure. I’ll be dropping Grace off…”

 

Stan cuts him off. “Not at the house,” he says sharply, then softens his tone as he continues. “I… I have an early meeting. Can you come to my Honolulu office downtown? There’s a cafe on the first floor of the building.”

 

“I know the one.”

 

“Could we meet there for lunch?”

 

“Uh, I have to be at the hospital at 11:00 for my end of the procedure…” Danny responds, feeling suddenly awkward.

 

There is a moment of silence before Stan continues. “Right… of course. Look, I’m sorry to push this Danny, but can you meet me after you drop Grace? Maybe about 9:00? Before the procedure?”

 

He doesn’t particularly relish the idea of meeting with Stan, much less on his turf, but part of him feels like maybe he owes Stan this. “Okay, sure. I’ll see you at 9.”

 

“Good, thanks. I’ll… see you tomorrow.”

 

“Yeah…” Danny disconnects the call and slips his phone back in his pocket.

 

“What was that about?” Steve asks.

 

“Stan wants to talk.”

 

“Did he say about what?”

 

“No, but I think I can guess.”

 

“Yeah,” Steve replies uneasily.

 

Disquiet hangs in the air as they return to the house and lock up before heading upstairs, but neither of them says anything more about it.

 

\-----

 

Before going into the bedroom, Danny veers off to check on Grace again. She looks to be completely out, so he closes the door softly and returns to Steve’s room. When he walks in, Steve closes the door and locks it, then reaches for Danny immediately. Danny doesn’t resist, relaxing into Steve’s arms, wanting nothing more than to lose himself in his partner for a while and not think about all the turmoil going on in his life.

 

Steve can sense his need and takes the time to undress Danny slowly, kissing his skin as pieces are newly revealed. Danny exhales loudly and shudders when Steve pushes Danny’s pants and boxers down his legs and gently cups his balls and stiffening cock. His mouth finally finds Danny’s in that moment and their tongues begin their well-choreographed dance; Danny sighs into it.

 

Steve moves Danny slowly backward to the bed and urges him down when the back of his legs hit the mattress. He strips himself quickly, moving to straddle Danny on the bed as soon as he is naked. When he looks up, he sees his partner watching appreciatively and he pushes Danny over onto his back and kisses him, long and deep. As they move against each other, their cocks harden and lengthen and their breathing picks up, but there is a slow purposefulness tonight that lacks the usual frenzy of their connection.

 

Steve reaches over to the bedside drawer and pulls out the small bottle of lube, and then, to Danny’s surprise, he places it into Danny’s hand. Danny breaks the kiss and gives Steve a questioning look, but Steve just smiles, nodding a little and then dipping his mouth back in to meet his partner’s.

 

Danny breaks the kiss after a few seconds. “Babe… are you sure?”

 

But Steve can read Danny like a book by now and he knows what his partner needs tonight. Danny only very occasionally asks to top, and it hasn’t escaped Steve’s notice that those requests seem to come when Danny is feeling particularly vulnerable. Not the days when Danny is working through his regular rants, but those days when something’s gone really wrong, or Danny feels particularly affected by a case. Steve knows that whether he realizes it or not, what Danny needs right now is to feel like he has some amount of control over something, since it is lacking in so many other parts of his life at the moment.

 

Steve nods, content in the knowledge that this is one small thing he can give his partner.

 

Danny doesn’t question Steve any further, but takes the lube and gently rolls Steve over to clamber on top of him. He resumes the interrupted kiss – long moments of slippery tongues and hardening cocks rubbing between their bodies. When Danny eventually sits up to prep Steve, he goes slowly and makes sure to brush his fingertips against Steve’s prostate at regular intervals, smiling to see his partner’s cock twitch against his stomach.

 

Each time Danny hits his prostate, a spark ignites behind Steve’s closed eyes, and he grunts happily at the sensation. He relaxes as Danny works his fingers in, trying to remember why they don’t do it like this more often. Yeah, they definitely need to do this more often…  

 

“Ready?” Danny asks eventually, breaking Steve’s growing reverie.

 

“Mm hmm,” Steve answers, opening his eyes in time to see Danny line himself up. He feels the blunt head of Danny’s cock pushing at him and he opens his legs a little wider as Danny shifts forward and down, pushing into Steve as he drapes his body back over his partner.

 

They both groan and Danny pushes all the way in until he has fully seated himself, his balls heavy and firm against Steve’s ass. “Okay?” Danny asks, looking closely at Steve.

 

“Yeah, Danny… better than okay.”

 

Danny keeps his hips still and drops his head down, capturing Steve’s mouth with his own again. For a few minutes, he gets lost in the kissing, focused on chasing Steve’s tongue and capturing it with his own - the wet, slippery sensation being more than enough to keep Danny's focus.

 

After a few minutes, a slightly-breathless Steve breaks the kiss. “Uh, Danny… there’s not much in this world I love more than your mouth, but I swear, if you don’t start moving soon, I’m pretty sure I’m going to rupture something,” Steve says, laughing a little at the end.

 

Danny ducks his face into the crook of Steve’s neck and huffs out his own laugh. “Sorry,” he says, pulling his head back up and kissing Steve again as he finally starts to move the rest of his body. He fucks Steve long and slow, pulling almost completely out each time and then pushing all the way back in, in one smooth stroke. There is nothing urgent or frantic to his movements, but he keeps a gentle, non-stop pace, watching as Steve reacts each time he bottoms-out.

 

Eventually, Danny bends down to capture Steve’s mouth in gentle kisses – not demanding, not invasive – just his tongue dipping in and seeking entry, then pulling back out again. A slight turn of the head and another dip into Steve’s mouth, over and over again. More often than not, their sex escalates into an intense frenzy – fueled by adrenalin that ramps up their movements until they’re both panting like they’ve run a four-minute mile. But right now, Danny feels like he just wants to ride a slow wave to their destination rather than sprint to the end. It’s decidedly different; there’s a sweeter, more romantic feel to what’s going on tonight, so he keeps his movements controlled, though his body never stops moving, continuing with the long, slow strokes.  It is just what Danny needs.

 

Steve flicks his eyes open and closed, alternating between wanting to lay back and just _‘feel’_ and wanting to stare at Danny, whose eyes look like a bottomless, blue, ocean pool tonight. Each glance sends a shiver down his spine, as he can feel the emotion rolling off his partner. Steve willingly takes it and sends his own back, still a little surprised at how much has changed for him in the last five or six months. Before his quest to distract Danny in January, he never would have believe himself ready and able to connect with another person this way. But Danny… Danny has broken down all of his defenses and barreled into his heart like no one ever had before.

 

Their breathing is finally picking up on this slow ride, and Danny drops his head down to lick at the veins on Steve’s neck. Steve smiles a little at Danny’s obsession, but indulges him by craning his head back so that the veins pop a little more. While Danny mouth stays at his neck, he is propped up on his elbows, but he keeps his body low, making sure that his abdomen rubs against Steve’s cock on every slide of his hips forward. Steve can feel the dampness between them now; slick with sweat and pre-come, and it is sparking a delicious friction against Steve’s cock.

 

“ _Danny_ ,” Steve gasps, knowing he is getting close and signally Danny to let loose if he wants to, but Danny just hums against his neck and keeps fucking Steve, slow and deep. After a few more long strokes of Danny’s body rubbing hard against his cock, it’s over for Steve and he grabs Danny’s head to bring their mouths crashing together. He is stunned at how intense his orgasm is, as it hits him full force and his body tenses and jerks, his abdominal muscles clenching furiously. Danny’s mouth is on his, but all Steve can do is pant into it as the aftershocks roll over him.

 

Danny never stops though, fucking Steve at the same deliberate pace all through his orgasm and as Steve collapses, boneless under his partner. Eventually Steve becomes aware enough to realize that Danny is getting close too, so he threads his fingers through Danny’s hair and forces his head to the side, attacking that spot behind Danny’s jaw that makes his partner whimper every time. As soon as his mouth makes contact, Danny’s hips stop for an instant and then judder a bit, before resuming a slightly faster pace. Steve continues to lick and suck lightly, and then when he scrapes his teeth lightly down his partner’s neck, Danny gasps and pushes in - hard – just one time, his own body now tensing and jerking as he groans and pulses deep inside his partner.

 

A moment later, Danny rolls carefully off of Steve and they lie together breathing a little heavy, but not panting like they usually would. In his post-coital haze, Danny eventually turns onto his side to face Steve. “Thank you,” he says, his voice dangerously choked with emotion.

 

“Danny, don’t,” Steve says emphatically, rolling onto his side, as well.

 

“No… look… I… I’ve been so wrapped up in my head lately, I haven’t stopped to tell you how much I appreciate… everything.”

 

“Hey, I’m in this with you – all the way, Danno. I’m in everything with you – no matter what – for better or worse.”

 

“For richer and poorer?” Danny mumbles automatically, without thinking. And as soon as he realizes what he’s said, he snaps his mouth shut.

 

Steve gives him a slow grin, his eyes sparkling. “In sickness and health, ‘til death do us part?”

 

Danny’s mouth goes dry. “Steve…”

 

“What do you say?” Steve asks, no hint of humor in his voice or on his face.

 

“What?” Danny asks uncomfortably.

 

“I’m asking…”

 

“ _No,_ you’re _not,_ ” Danny denies, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling.

 

Steve huffs a laugh. “Oh, now you’re going to tell me whether or not I’m asking you to marry me?”

 

“You don’t mean it,” Danny states emphatically, resolutely _not_ looking at Steve.

 

“Of course I do. Do you really think I would ever ask if I didn’t mean it?”

 

“Look, we just this afternoon decided to move in together. You haven’t even thought about this…”

 

“I’ve thought about it enough…”

 

“Oh, what, Steve? For the last 30 seconds? Knock it off…” Danny retorts, frustration creeping into his voice.

 

Steve reaches out and gently tugs Danny’s face so he is forced to look at him. “Danny, I’m not kidding around here,” he says seriously.

 

Danny breaks out of Steve’s light hold and sits up, resting his elbows on his knees and dropping his face into his hands. After a minute he sighs and looks back over at his partner. “Look. Steve. I love you, you know I do. But right now… everything is so… it’s such a mess. I just think… the next several months are going to be hard and there’s going to be a lot happening with Charlie and figuring things out with Rachel - we don’t know, she could fight me on this. I know I want to be with you, but I need to be sure you understand what that means – it’s not going to be easy…”

 

“You think I’m going to take off if things get hard?” Steve asks, sounding hurt and a little mad as he shifts and sits up, too.

 

“No… no, it’s not that. It’s just. Moving in together is one thing, but getting married… I don’t want that to be something that’s forged by fire, you know? It’s easy to close ranks and pull together when times are tough, but sometimes it’s the day-to-day reality that’s harder. We’ve barely had time to start this thing together, and now I’ve suddenly got another kid and new problems with my ex and the kid could die…” Danny stops as his voice catches.

 

“Danny, I’m not going anywhere,” he reaches out to place his hand lightly on Danny’s shoulder; Danny just sighs in response, and ducks his head down again, stopping for a minute to consider.

 

“You know, I think what it is…” he says, lifting his head again and turning back to Steve, “…it’s that if - okay, _when_ \- we get married, I want to be able to just enjoy it. I don’t want to barely remember it ten years from now because we were so wrapped up in hospital visits and custody fights and everything else that we didn’t have time to think about what we were doing – I don’t want it to be an afterthought.”

 

“Careful, Danny… you almost sound like you’re a romantic,” Steve teases.

 

“So what if I am?” Danny responds defiantly.

 

“Nothin’… I just have to maybe readjust my perception of you, that’s all.”

 

“Well, then you do that… because I am not going to marry you until we can do it without all this other crap hanging over our heads.”

 

Steve stares at Danny for a moment trying to discern if that’s really all there is to it. “Okay, Danny,” he says eventually. “But as soon as Charlie is done with his treatment and we’ve got the custody stuff figured out, we’re going to have this conversation again.”

 

Danny gives Steve a bittersweet smile. “Believe me, I’m looking forward to that, babe.”

 

5050505050

 

The next morning, Danny watches as Grace walks slowly and reluctantly from the Camaro toward the front door, stopping and looking back at Danny forlornly. Danny ducks his head, shaking it a little with his eyes closed. Something tears at his heart a little to see his daughter hesitate to go to her own mother – there is something fundamentally ‘not right’ about that. Rachel is standing on the porch and as Grace approaches, Rachel opens her arms and bends down to try to hug her daughter as she always does on pick-up days. But Grace flashes Danny a strange look and ducks away from Rachel, leaving her mother with a hurt and confused expression on her face.

 

It’s a look Danny feels like he’s seen a lot lately, and abruptly, something in Danny seems to splinter and he is hit with a vivid sense-memory…

 

 

_Rachel giggled behind her hand._

_“What?” Danny asked defensively and with some difficulty, his words trying to maneuver around the horrible, dry scone in his mouth._

_“Are you enjoying that?” she asked mischievously._

_Danny chewed some more and finally managed to swallow the lump of desert-dry pastry._

_“Honest to god, I do not understand what you English see in these things! I thought maybe the ones I’ve tried in the States were just bad because they don’t know how to make them there, but they’re just as bad here – if not worse! WHY do you like these? It’s like trying to eat a hockey puck!”_

_“Shhhh! My mother might hear you – you don’t want to offend her just when she’s finally warming up to you, do you?” Rachel admonished, giggling again and glancing over her shoulder. “And it’s not that you Yanks don’t know how to make them… it’s that you don’t know how to eat them.”_

_Mystified, Danny dropped his voice and asked, “What does that even mean? How many different ways can there be to chew and swallow?”_

_With a knowing smile, Rachel picked up her scone and broke off a smallish piece. “Here,” she said moving her hand toward Danny’s mouth._

_Danny pulled his head back and made a face – suspicious - and not really wanting another piece of the brittle food. “No, thank you. I think I’ve had enough. I’ll stick to a nice bagel when I get back to the States.”_

_“Oh, come on, Danny. Trust me, it will be better this time – I promise.”_

 

_Not at all understanding how that could be possible, but, being that they were still in those heady, early days of their relationship when Danny could refuse Rachel nothing, he reluctantly complied and opened his mouth for his fiancée to place the lump of edible desert on his tongue._

_“Now, here,” Rachel said, handing him her cup of tea. “Take a sip of this while the scone is still in your mouth.”_

_Danny eyed the cup suspiciously, but, once again, unable to deny Rachel, he took the teacup from her and took a sip._

_Rachel’s face bloomed into a beautiful smile as Danny’s face transformed in an instant; the hesitant, disgusted look slipping away to be replaced by a startled look of pleasure._

_“Fucking hell!” he said – perhaps a little too loudly – after he swallowed._

_Rachel just continued smiling and nodded her head._

_“That was amazing! The whole thing just… dissolved… on my tongue!” Danny quickly grabbed another, bigger chunk of scone and shoved it into his mouth. He gave it a couple of chews and then took a sizable swallow of tea. “Mmmmmm…. Oh god… that’s so good!” Danny exclaimed, his eyes wide with surprise as he looked at Rachel._

_“Isn’t it?” Rachel responded, breaking off a piece for herself and popping it into her mouth._

_“It’s like it just melted in my mouth.”_

_“Mm hmm,” she nodded. “That’s the butter in the scone melting from the hot tea,” Rachel gave him a triumphant smile._

_Danny grabbed yet another piece of the pastry and another sip of tea. “Mmmm… God… that’s… fantastic! I mean, it tastes good, too, but the sensation… it’s amazing!” Danny said, the look of wonder still on his face. “The way it just dissolves away into nothing and disappears...”_

 

And that’s the way it felt to Danny at that moment – like nearly all the anger and frustration he had felt toward Rachel had just melted - dissolved away, disappearing out of him - leaving behind the simple taste of forgiveness. The fight had gone out of him when he saw his daughter shun her own mother – the mom who had only loved her and taken care of her for her entire life. Danny understood that he had to bear a lot of the responsibility for that – for creating the situation in the first place (Rachel was only 50% of the infidelity equation, after all) - and for letting his anger toward his ex-wife reach such towering heights as to cause their daughter to pick sides. But there should be no sides when it came to parenting; both he and Rachel loved Grace and Charlie more than anything in the world.

 

Another memory floats to the top of Danny’s mind, this time from a college English class and a poem they had had to read. Danny could only ever remember the first line – “They fuck you up your mum and dad…” - because he had thought it was funny. It was supposed to be poignant, but Danny hadn’t really paid much attention at the time, so he had never given it a lot of serious thought. But as Danny looks again at his daughter and then toward his ex-wife, he thinks he gets it for the first time, and he knows that it’s now or never; right now - this minute - he needs to get past his own issues.  Because he sees clearly now, that if he goes down this road of rage and resentment, it will definitely fuck-up his kids; and while he may win their loyalty and support in the short run, he’ll surely lose them in the end.

 

“Hey, Rachel!” he calls out.

 

She turns at the sound of his voice, looking startled and nervous – but waits on the porch as he jogs from his car.

 

Danny trots up the steps, giving a quick glance at Grace who has stopped just inside the open door, looking curiously at them, but clearly tense. “Listen, Rachel,” Danny starts, but then stops, momentarily tongue-tied. Instead he sighs a little and then he reaches out to grab her, wrapping her in a tight, warm embrace.

 

Rachel hesitates for a few seconds, and then brings her arms up to wrap around Danny. Danny squeezes tighter, and as soon as he does, tears erupt from her eyes. It’s a bit like a dam bursting; the tears Rachel had been holding for so long with no one there to give her comfort, now flowing freely.

 

“Shhh… it’s okay,” Danny murmurs into the side of her head as one hand lightly strokes her hair. “Everything's going to be okay.” The kindness seems to only cause Rachel to cry harder and louder, and Danny just holds on and keeps comforting her. “It’s okay, Rachel. I forgive you, okay? Everything’s gonna be okay… shhhh…”

 

And to his great surprise he realizes that, for the most part, he really means it. He’s pretty sure that now he’s going to be able to look at Rachel and get through everything they have to get through without wanting to tear her apart. He feels Rachel nod her head, taking in his words and then feels her relax incrementally against him. His own relief is palpable, and as he continues to hug his ex-wife, he glances down at his daughter; Grace is riveted, watching them with such a look a relief on her face that he has no doubt that he has done the right thing. When he gives her a smile, Grace hurtles herself at them, throwing her arms around them both and squeezing as hard as she can.

 

“Thank you, Danny,” Rachel manages to whisper through her tears, and then bends down to embrace her daughter, tears now running down both their faces.

 

Standing by the car, Steve watches the scene play out, not able to hear their exchange but able to understand it nonetheless. When his partner finally returns to the Camaro a few minutes later, Steve clasps him on the shoulder and gives Danny a smile. “You just did a really good thing, Danny. I’m proud of you.”

 

“Yeah? Well guess what? Now I gotta go meet with Stan. So you might wanna reserve judgment on that until I get back from that little tete-a-tete.”

 

Right. Stan. Steve had been willfully forgetting about Danny’s meeting with Stan (so maybe he’s in a little bit of denial, too).

 

“Give me the keys,” Danny demands, his anxiety about his next meeting is clear. “I’m driving. I’ll drop you at the Palace and then I have to go or I’ll be late.”

 

Understanding Danny’s further need to control something in his life, Steve puts the keys in Danny’s outstretched hand and moves around to get in the passenger side without arguing.

 

\-----

 

“Danny… thanks for coming,” Stan says as he stands up and extends his hand to Danny.

 

Danny takes his hand and shakes it. He can see Stan is nervous, and Danny himself is filled with unease. “Yeah, well, I guess maybe we’ve got some things to talk about.”

 

“Yeah, I guess we do,” Stan replies followed by a brief, uncomfortable silence as they sit down across from each other at the ridiculously small table. “Do you want anything? Coffee…?”

 

“No, ah… I can’t have anything… you know… general anesthesia in a couple hours…”

 

Stan visibly winces. “Of course. I… I don’t know how I could have forgotten that…”

 

The moment is incredibly awkward. It’s difficult to be sitting here with Stan, knowing that at the heart of it, it was Danny’s actions – his affair with Rachel – that has brought them here. Danny can’t quite find it in himself to regret it, because he has a son as a result – the son that he desperately wanted since the moment Rachel told him she was pregnant four years ago. But he knows that Stan has more than a few reasons to hate him and he’s not sure at all what Stan wants to get out of this meeting today.

 

“Look, Stan. Four years ago… me and Rachel…” Danny starts, seeing no point in not acknowledging the elephant in the room and hoping to move past it quickly. “I know it was wrong… I knew it was, and I have no excuse, except maybe to say that things weren’t really finished between us…” Danny shifts nervously in the chair but resists the urge to look away from Stan.

 

“That’s an easy excuse for being complicit in infidelity, Danny…” a flash of anger crosses Stan’s face and he looks away for a moment. When he turns back, his features are controlled and he has recomposed himself. “That’s not what I asked you here to talk about.”

 

“Okay. You want to talk about Charlie.” It’s not a question, and Danny is more than happy to move on from the previous topic, his conflicted guilt weighing heavily.

 

“Yeah. I want to talk about Charlie.” Stan stops for a second and seems to gather his strength. “I love that little boy, Danny,” he says fiercely.

 

“I’ve never doubted that, Stan,” Danny replies sympathetically.  

 

“And my first priority is Charlie and getting him well.”

 

“Good. So is mine,” Danny nods.

 

“But after that… I don’t… I’m not sure what I’m going to do. What Rachel did…” he stops and looks down, his words catching in his throat. “I’m not sure I can forgive her for it.” The moment is fraught with awkwardness. Danny again thinks back to his affair with Rachel and finds himself squirming uncomfortably in his seat.  

 

“But…” Stan stops – he is still pointedly not looking at Danny. At that moment, Stan looks so completely depleted that Danny’s heart goes out to him.

 

And then it hits Danny… what if Rachel had met Danny in the park that day and told him that it was Grace that was sick? And what if when Danny said he would do anything, she told him that Grace was not his daughter?  Jesus Christ – _what if she had said that?_   Danny knows what: his whole world would have collapsed and he would have been devastated beyond measure. Because even if Grace were not his biological daughter, he would still consider her his daughter in every way, and the thought of losing her would be more than Danny could ever bear. He’s honestly not sure what he would do if it came to that. As his mind spins with the implications, Danny looks up to see Stan is staring back at him, desperate and terrified.

 

“Stan, I’m not going to lie to you here… Charlie’s my son and I want to be his father. When things settle down, I’m going after shared custody…” Danny starts.

 

“I never doubted you would,” Stan interrupts, sounding resigned and looking away toward the barista.

 

“But Stan,” Danny continues earnestly, “believe me when I tell you that as far as I’m concerned, you’ve done a great job with Charlie so far – he’s a great kid, and a lot of that is because of you. And no matter what happens with you and Rachel, I promise you… I will never - _never -_ do anything to try to stop you from being a part of his life.”

 

Stan snaps his gaze back to Danny, utter shock visible on his face.

 

Danny leans forward and rests his arms on the table.  “Listen to me,” he goes on. “I’m not trying to open old wounds here, but I know a little bit about what it’s like to have someone try to take your child away. And no father should have to worry about that. I won’t do that to you, Stan. You have my word.”    

 

Stan closes his eyes for a moment, not quite believing what he just heard. He remembers with clarity, Danny’s desperate fight to maintain some small piece of custody of his daughter, and how he had made the decision (that frankly had startled Stan) to follow them to Hawaii so he could have the limited pleasure of spending every other weekend with Grace. He couldn’t really understand it at the time, but he understands with crystal-clarity now.

 

When he finally fully absorbs what Danny has said, he opens his eyes again. “I… I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that Danny. I … thank you. Thank you so much,” it comes out shaky and just barely more than a whisper. He pauses for a moment to gather himself and then clears his throat. When he finally opens his mouth again, he forces himself to look Danny in the eye. “You’re a good man, Danny. A better man than I was. I didn’t give you five minutes of consideration when Rachel and I were making our move to Hawaii, and I am sincerely sorry for that.”

 

Danny quickly tamps down the small flare of anger that threatens; there’s too much at stake right now - namely the well-being of his son (oh God, _their_ son) – for Danny to start getting into pissing matches with Stan.

 

“Look,” Danny stares out the window toward the park across the street and Stan follows his gaze, vivid memories flashing through both their minds. “The day you nodded your head and… gave me permission to… to hurt you, to try to save Grace, that was all water under the bridge. I know you love Charlie – and Grace, too - and they love you.  As far as I’m concerned, you should always have a place in their lives.”

 

“Like I said, I appreciate that, Danny, but if Rachel and I divorce, I’ll have no standing to see those kids. But, God, Danny… I love them both like they’re my own,” Stan says, sounding scared and distressed again.

 

Danny is quiet for a minute, meditating on what a strange and twisted history he has with this man, and trying to find the right words to respond.

 

“You know,” he says eventually, “living is Hawaii has grown on me. I stopped wearing a tie, I learned to surf… sometimes I even call Grace’s flip flops, slippas, if you can believe that.”

 

Stan looks at him with slight confusion.

 

“And I met these people, you know?… a crazy ex-SEAL,” his voice has turned a little wistful, “a couple of Hawaiian cousins who are like, psychic with each other or something, a hard-assed cop from Chicago... there’s also, ah… a slightly dubious short-order cook who flies a helicopter, and a crazy, conspiracy theorist. I could keep going, believe it or not,” Danny is smiling fondly now, but also looking slightly bemused. “And, if you had told me five years ago that I would consider these people _family_ , I would have laughed in your face.”

 

Danny pauses and gazes out the window again, looking preoccupied by his own thoughts. After a minute he turns back to Stan who looks perplexed but waits patiently for Danny to continue. Danny seems to shake himself out of his distraction and then sighs. ”But like I said, Hawaii has grown on me, and now I look at this motley crew of people I have in my life and I think of them as ohana – do you know what ohana is?”

 

Stan shakes his head, and a small smile creeps onto Danny’s face as he thinks about how Steve would never let him hear the end of it if he heard Danny talking right now.

 

“It means family, Stan,” Danny explains. “But it goes beyond blood relatives… it’s not limited to that, you know? It includes all the people that we _intentionally_ bring into our lives. As far as I’m concerned, Stanley, you’ll always be part of Grace and Charlie’s family – you’re their ohana - if you want to be.”

 

“I’ll always want to be, Danny,” Stan says without hesitation.    

 

And he’s not exactly sure why, but the last little piece of that taut and hard thing that has been twisting his insides for days suddenly snaps and lets go completely, and Danny feels the final bit of residual anger toward Rachel drain from his body. He feels light and free and… completely happy, for the first time in over a week. The joy he feels about being Charlie’s father is no longer warring with other negative feelings – instead it is all he feels. He knows, somehow, that he and Rachel can work past this - that they can make it work. He knows they still have trials ahead of them, and there will undoubtedly be some bumps in the road along the way, but Danny’s pretty sure that all six of them are going to end up being one, big - albeit strange - ohana.

 

Danny leans back in his chair and spreads his hands.  “Well, then, it sounds like our kids are going to have a very interesting family as they grow up, but you know what? I think maybe that makes for the best kind,” Danny pauses for a couple of seconds. “I can’t actually believe I just said that… but like I said, you know… I guess Hawaii is growing on me.”

 

Stan smiles and reaches out to shake Danny’s hand again. “Thank you, Danny.”

 

Danny takes the proffered hand and quirks a smile. “Who would’ve thought… huh?”

 

Stan shakes his head, smiling in relief. “Not one living soul.”

 

\-----

 

“How’d it go?” Steve asks, giving his partner a worried glance when Danny walks into his office a little while later.

 

“Okay. It was pretty awkward at first,” he says, collapsing down onto the couch.

 

“What did Stan want?”

 

Danny puts his head back and stares at the ceiling. “He’s afraid of losing his son. I guess mostly he wanted to gauge my reaction to everything that’s going on. Find out what I plan to do.”

 

“And…?”

 

Danny takes a deep breath. “And… I told him he’d always have a place in Grace and Charlie’s lives as far as I was concerned, whether he stayed with Rachel or not,” Danny lifts his head and finally looks at Steve.

 

“Wow… that’s, uh, that’s really… wow…” Steve says with some surprise.

 

“Well, you know, it’s like I told Stan,” he says, looking back at the ceiling. “I understand a little bit about what it’s like to face the possibility of losing a child you love. It’s not my goal to do that to him – to anyone. As far as Stan knew, Charlie was his and he’s loved that kid since the day he was born. It wouldn’t be right to take that away from him now. And it would only hurt Charlie if Stan suddenly disappeared from his life, you know? Besides, there’s always room in your life for more people who love you, right?” Danny pulls his head back up and looks at Steve who is beaming at him. “What?”

 

“You’re a good man, Danny Williams,” Steve says fondly.

 

Danny shrugs. “Anyone would do the same thing.”

 

Steve shakes his head a little and snorts a disbelieving breath. “Not by a long shot, Danno. Most people would probably go for the jugular with Rachel and Stan. And they’d probably think you’re crazy. Or a saint.”

 

Danny huffs a laugh and drops his head back onto the couch. “I’m neither,” he says as he shrugs again, knowing that what he did was the right thing to do, so it didn’t really matter how the rest of the world might view it. “I’m just a guy who loves my kids - that’s all.”

 

“So, you’re good?” Steve asks, walking over next to his partner. He can see a visible change in Danny; where he had been vibrating with emotion and tension for days, he now seems completely calm and at ease for the first time since Rachel gave him the news.

 

“Couldn’t be better,” Danny says, giving Steve a slow smile and then pulling him down by his collar to bring him in for a kiss.

 

When Danny releases him, Steve stands back up and quirks a face at his partner – PDA in the office isn’t really their thing – but Danny just grins happily.

 

Steve looks at his watch. “Probably time to go. You ready for this?”

 

“Yep, I’m ready,” Danny replies, still smiling and extending his hand out to Steve who grabs it and pulls him back up to his feet. “Like I said, I got the easy part.”

 

Steve watches Danny walk buoyantly out of the office to head to the hospital to try to save his son’s life. His relief that Danny seems to have managed to arrive at step five – acceptance – is probably only surpassed by Danny’s own. He hasn’t seen his partner so relaxed and happy and… unconflicted… since he had talked to Rachel in the park nearly ten days ago. Following behind, Steve thinks that if they can just get Charlie well, he’s sure everything else will be okay and they’ll get to revisit that conversation from last night. A wide grin spreads across Steve’s face as he hurries to catch up with his partner.  

 

 

END

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Forgiveness is the remission of sins. For it is by this that what has been lost, and was found, is saved from being lost again." Saint Augustine 
> 
>  
> 
> This Be The Verse  
> By Philip Larkin 
> 
> They fuck you up, your mum and dad.  
> They may not mean to, but they do.  
> They fill you with the faults they had  
> And add some extra, just for you. 
> 
> But they were fucked up in their turn  
> By fools in old-style hats and coats,  
> Who half the time were soppy-stern  
> And half at one another’s throats. 
> 
> Man hands on misery to man.  
> It deepens like a coastal shelf.  
> Get out as early as you can,  
> And don’t have any kids yourself.
> 
>  
> 
> I suspect that there will be some who think I was too easy on Rachel - we all have our own things - here's mine: I’m a child of divorce and I knew a lot of other kids whose parents were divorced when I was a kid. I was the luckiest of all of them, though, because my parents were the sole examples I knew who were smart enough and kind enough to put aside their differences - which were substantial (infidelity was an issue in their divorce) – and act like adults and get along – for the sake of me and my siblings. Conversely, I watched some of my friends’ parents tear each other apart and use the kids against each other – causing a shit-ton of lasting damage that they were either too blind or too selfish to stop. I have told my parents often (sometimes at the family holiday gatherings that we all share together) how much I appreciated the fact that they worked hard to keep their conflict away from us and to get past it so that it didn’t rain down shit on us kids for the rest of our lives. Seriously - It’s important – and we were lucky. And I love Danny, so in my mind, he would find a way to forgive Rachel and do whatever was necessary to keep what could be a life-time of trauma and stress away from his kids. 
> 
> I hope you can find that believable - I do. Anyway, thanks for reading! And, as always, your comments make me ridiculously happy!


	3. Chapter 3

Hey folks:

Sorry - no additional chapter here. Sometimes AO3 is really frustrating... for some reason, when I posted the conclusion (Chapter 2) of this story late last night, it placed it as though it had posted early yesterday morning - so, behind fics that had been out there all day. At first I didn’t even think it had posted, I just thought it was slow to post since that seems to happen sometimes. But then this morning I saw that it was posted, but way out of order. This happened with Sessions a couple of times and when I would post a new chapter, I'd have comments from people saying - hey, I didn't even realize you posted the last chapter. So, the only thing I can think of to do is add another (sorry, fake) chapter, so it will (hopefully) post as an new update on today's date and move up the queue a little, so if there are people out there who were interested in reading the second (last) chapter, they wouldn't miss it.

My apologies for the inconvenience to those of you who get notifications and thought I had added another chapter.

 

teeelsie


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